After almost 25 years of marriage, and raising four children, I’ve both given my fair share of apologies and received them. I’ve instructed my children to accept responsibility for their actions and apologize far more times than I can count.
For the past two months, our women’s Sunday morning class has been watching a series of videos called, “Resolving Everyday Conflicts” by Ken Sande’s Peacemaker Ministries. They are available for free through RightNow Media if your church has a RightNow Media account. Or you can find the DVD or the book online at Christian Book Distributors.
I found Session 5, “Accepting Responsibility, Making an Effective Apology,” to be particularly helpful. The speaker shared seven A’s for an effective apology.
Address Everyone Involved
Avoid If, But, and Maybe
Apologize, Acknowledging the Hurt
Accept the Consequence
Alter your Behavior
Ask for Forgiveness and Allow Time
In light of this recent teaching, the interaction between Adam and Eve and their Creator in Genesis 3 jumped out at me.
After eating the forbidden fruit, God asked Adam two pretty simple questions, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten of the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?”
Adam replied, “The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate.” (Genesis 3:12)
Then, God asked Eve a pretty simple question as well, “What is this that you have done?”
Eve replied, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.” (Genesis 3:13)
How many times have I asked my children similar questions and received similar answers?
Me: “Did you finish your homework?” Child: “I didn’t know how, and you weren’t home to help me.”
Me: “Have you taken out the trash like I asked?” Child: “The dumpster was full.”
Me: “Did you put away your laundry?” Child: “I forgot.”
Me: “Who made this mess?” Child: “He did.”
And the list goes on and on.
Since the very first sin, mankind has struggled to take responsibility for our actions. Adam blamed the woman for giving him the fruit, as well as blaming God for giving him the woman. Eve blamed the serpent for deceiving her. Our children blame others or their circumstances, including their own forgetfulness, for their shortcomings. And we blame our children or our husband or our neighbor or the traffic or the dog … for ours.
How do you struggle with accepting responsibility for your own sin?
Who do you usually blame when you mess up?
How can you improve in being genuinely repentant and seeking reconciliation when you’ve fallen short?
Rather than reading this post and thinking of how messed up your kids, or your parents, or your husband or your wife is … let’s try instead to focus on our own responsibility in the problem. And seek God God who is able to do more than we can ask or imagine, and who is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to purify us from all unrighteousness.
Sunday morning, my pastor preached a fantastic sermon titled, “Relationship Comes with Responsibility.” You can listen to it online here:
Then, Tuesday night, I saw the new movie, “Overcomer.” The main character in the movie is a basketball coach and history teacher at his local Christian high school. Without giving too much away, he realizes that he is finding his identity in his job, rather than in his relationship with Christ. The other main character, a teenage girl named Hannah, is amazed when she learns who she is in Christ while reading Ephesians 1-2 in the Bible. Hannah realizes that as a child of God, she is loved, redeemed and forgiven.
So … What about ME? Who am I … and how, then, should I live?
I am a created being, created in the image of God, on purpose, for a purpose … so I should live daily with purpose and hope.
I am a disciple of Jesus, called to make more disciples of Jesus … so I should intentionally study God’s Word and share the gospel with others.
I am a forgiven and redeemed child of God … so I should forgive others and help them to be reconciled with God, too.
But, my relationship with God is not my only role in life. God has given other relationships, roles and responsibilities as well.
I am a wife … so my husband should be a priority in my life.
I am a homemaker … so I should clean my house and cook dinner for my family.
I am a mother … so I should love and disciple my children with diligence.
I am a homeschooler … so I should faithfully teach and train my children in the way they should go.
Like many Christians, I can tend to overemphasize one area of my life and overlook another one.
Yes, indeed, my identity is found in Christ.
Who am I? I am a forgiven child of God.
Who am I? I am His workmanship, created on purpose for a purpose.
Who am I? I am a disciple of Jesus, called to make more disciples.
But, I am also a wife, homemaker, mother and homeschooler to the glory of God. These titles, too, have value and worth.
May everything I do be done to the praise of God who created me, saved me, and redeemed me … and gave me a home and a husband and children.
As I shared in yesterday’s post, love compels service … which leads me to a new trail of thoughts.
I wonder, is my dad only interested in the big things that I can do for him? Are the doctors with a dozen years of education who correctly prescribe just the right medication more valuable than the nurse who correctly draws his blood?
Incredibly, just now, while I’m writing this and waiting to board a plane back home, with my dad still in his hospital bed, the flight attendant announced that our plane is having some mechanical issues.
I realize how critically important a good pilot is, but realistically is a good plane mechanic any less essential?
I know that answering my dad’s questions about faith and asking God to hear my cries for mercy truly are valuable acts of service, but do I believe that sitting in silence, holding his hand while he sleeps, is valuable in God’s eyes?
Surely reading Psalm 23 aloud and talking about the hope of Heaven with Jesus is of immense value, but how about cutting up my dad’s food into manageable bites?
Sometimes as a stay-at-home, homeschooling mama, it can feel like the daily chores, loading the dishwasher and washing the laundry and cooking the dinner is worthless … and yet I hope that I can do my work as unto the Lord, pointing my children’s eyes to the blessings of dishes and laundry and food … and of work.
Sometimes as a Christian speaker and writer, it can feel like reaching one hurting soul isn’t as important as speaking to the multitudes.
So today, let’s remind ourselves that God values our little acts of love and service, as well as our big ones. He sees us. He cares. And He is able to multiply our fish and loaves and mites and talents as we offer them up to Him.
“As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace: whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies—in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To him belong glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen.” (1 Peter 4:10-11)
“For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned. For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, in proportion to our faith; if service, in our serving; the one who teaches, in his teaching; the one who exhorts, in his exhortation; the one who contributes, in generosity; the one who leads,with zeal; the one who does acts of mercy, with cheerfulness.” (Romans 12:3-8)
“Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.” (Colossians 3:23-24)